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All content copyright 2010 by Chelsea Biondolillo. Seriously.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

365 days of being a writer: day 212

Here are some things about grad school that scare me:
  1. What if I can't write once I get there? Right now, I am having the hardest time focusing my brain. What if not having a day job to suck up all of my brainjuice every day DOESN'T CHANGE THAT?
  2. What if I am awful at critical reading? I am the queen of missing the point. Driving by the forest cause I was wondering what kind of tree that was... I so hate feeling stupid and I am so prone to acting like a know-it-all. I sense a come-to-Jesus humbling is coming.
  3. What if I am not a good teacher? Sure, I can talk a blue streak, but can I coach someone to improve? No idea. I can be so impatient and so damned judgmental--these are not the qualities of a great teacher.
  4. What if the money runs out? If I have to choose between dropping out and taking out loans, I will take out loans. Then I will live on the verge of an anxiety attack for my last semester.
  5. What if I hate it? This could happen. I am notorious for growing to hate whatever I previously wanted so goddamned badly. 
  6. What if I can't make any friends and I die alone, choking on a chicken bone, in my tiny studio apartment?
OK. Now that it's all out there, it isn't cooped up in my head.

I heard some encouraging news from one of the schools today about the possibility of partially funding some traveling over the summer. It has definitely upped the ante. Spain! Man, I have wanted to go to Spain for YEARS and it has just never happened. Now, I have the chance to MAKE it happen.

Except in SPAIN


lyndsey said...

i can empathize with your fears. but at the same time, it's probably worth the risk.

Chelsea said...

I completely agree! I'd be worried if I *wasn't* nervous...