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All content copyright 2010 by Chelsea Biondolillo. Seriously.

Monday, April 4, 2011

365 days of being a writer: day 229

One of the last two Wyoming candidates accepted today.

She told me she was 95% sure she was going to turn them down. Totally my fault for getting sucked in, getting my hopes all up... They had been down. I was excited about an MA. But now, it feels like what I'm left with, instead.

This feeling will pass. I just need to keep reminding myself that I already turned down 3 MFAs in preparation for this exact scenario. I never thought I would get into Wyoming this year--but I knew I wanted a second chance. So it looks like that's what I'll get. They said they would give me official word by Wednesday, so I'll wait until then.

So I'm staying away from the rest of the MFA hopefuls until all this is done. The camaraderie has ceased to help my mental state, and instead is hurting it.

Technically, the last candidate could still turn them down, but I don't think that's going to happen. Not after the amazing weekend they apparently showed their admits.

A bit too sick to my stomach to write today. Instead, I cleaned out my desk of a bunch of old CDs and organizers and junk. I am still moving, after all.


lyndsey said...

Alright, keep moving! It keeps morale high. I'm sad to hear you're sad about Wyoming, if it's any consolation. Do you believe all things happen for a reason?

Chelsea said...

Lyndsey, I suppose I do believe that. The frustration and disappointment comes from letting someone get to me when I should have known better. People on the Internet are robots until proven human! Not really, but normally I wouldn't believe the first email from someone--and this time I did. I started daydreaming about Wyoming in a more concrete way. Looking forward to that program and winter and mountains. I miss the North! I'm just frustrated with myself. Hopefully it will pass soon and I can choose between the two MAs with a clear conscious.

Amanda said...


I know it's disappointing, for sure -- but just wait. There's something in your future that will make all of this worthwhile. I know it's trite, and hugely frustrating, especially when as you say you got all your hopes up, but things will turn around. You'll see!

And as for getting your hopes up -- that's completely natural. You wouldn't be the wonderful writer and thinker and dreamer that you are if that didn't happen.

I'm thinking of and sad for you too, in your moment of sadness. But hopefully it will pass soon.

Lots of love,