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All content copyright 2010 by Chelsea Biondolillo. Seriously.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Slater's legacy: other people attempt to quit dramatically

Jason Brown attempted to quit his job at a Chicago Kia dealership after a customer slammed a car door on his hand and refused to apologize. Reports say he ran through the building, up the back stairs to the roof and grabbed at the giant inflatable "dancing guy" outside the showroom--in an attempt, as he described it later--"to slide down him like that dude did on the plane." Unfortunately, Jason got hung up on the "arms" and a gust of wind whipped the dancing guy around in what can only be described as a predictably random way, knocking Jason off and through the windshield of a Sorrento. No one was seriously injured, and the dealership has not pressed charges.

After a San Francisco Starbucks customer complained that his "no-froth quad-shot cappucino" was too strong and not frothy enough, he dumped it onto the counter, giving barista Sarah Nickleson a mild burn on her wrist. She responded by interrupting the adult contemporary Muzak station to tell the entire coffee shop via PA that they could all "Go straight to Hell" for all she cared. She then grabbed a bottle of Torani syrup (hazelnut) and two Odwalla juices and climbed out the drive through window and hopped across the hood of a light gray sedan before running to the BART station, completely forgetting that she drove to work that day.

Nathan Reems was an employee at a busy, natural foods grocery store in Manhattan when an unnamed customer began berating him for a number of reasons, including (according to witnesses who began to tweet about the event while it was happening) 'the cost of free trade mangoes, the illegibility of expiration date on the cage-free eggs, the lack of reusable cloth napkins in the eating area, the general deforestation issues made worse by American's insistence on using toilet paper, and the dine-in tax.' Once the customer began "assaulting" Nathan with his cloth shopping bags, Nathan took off his apron and threw it at the customer shouting at him, "You have no idea what a carbon footprint even IS! You're all nothing but a bunch of over-paid bored bourgeoisie! I hope you choke on your artisan pasta you, non-contributing pieces of yuppie scum" He then jumped onto one of the store's  industrial "U boat" carts and began riding it like a skateboard toward the front doors, tipping over displays of Tom's shoes, Sigg water bottles, gluten-free thumbprint cookies, and Putumayo CDs as he went, effectively preventing anyone from catching him. Unfortunately, he headed toward the entrance which doesn't automatically open and instead of making a getaway he crashed into the door giving himself a concussion and sprained wrist.

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